Vega$, baby!

Ted and I were on our usual Friday sabbatical to Chili's earlier (no, no encounters with INS) and the bartender started talking about her last trip to Las Vegas which got me in a very reminiscent mood of my own adventures in Sin City. :-) Last year, I was treated to a trip to Vegas by my brother, TD3k, when he decided to cash in a butt load of frequent flyer miles for he and his wife, and little 'ol me.

Yes, TD3k and his lovely wife are very generous people and I am very lucky to be related to them!

It was my first time to the desert oasis and its certainly not a trip that I'll forget anytime soon. Both the bartender and I were amused by Ted's question "You mean its better than Bossier City (Louisiana)?"

"Oh yeah dude, this blows Bossier out of the water. You've got to go check it out."
Ted recounted once how he'd won a large sum of money at a blackjack table in Bossier City and that reminded me of the last hand of blackjack that I got to play in Vegas before the trip was over. I'll never forget it and will now share with you the events of that evening.

My brother and I had gone off on our own to visit the Stratosphere Tower, a truly remarkable structure. At the base of the tower is the Stratosphere Hotel & Casino (in Vegas, imagine that!) and that was our stop after taking the guided tour to the top of the tower and taking in the amazing view from 1200 feet above Las Vegas.

Like any casino, it was packed with games, lights, no windows or clocks, and cocktail waitresses by the dozen. I'm not an experienced gambler by any means, and my brother and I decided to ease into things playing the slots. Slot machines, which are of course, bright shiny variants of the old Skinner Box, are a great diversion and actually not a bad way to win a little bit of extra cash. After a few hours and being up about $40 on slot winnings alone, I decided it was time to move on.

My brother went to the craps table and I went and got $100 from an ATM and decided to find a blackjack table. The game of blackjack has always fascinated me, and I was looking specifically for a single-deck table with a low minimum so that I could maximize my chances of winning. It wasn't an easy find at all. Single-deck tables are a bit of a novelty these days in Las Vegas due to the popularity of card counting by players to try and get an advantage over the house. Nevertheless, I did find a table with a free spot and so I decided to stop and watch how the hands were going to see if the dealer was hot or cold... that is, on a winning streak or losing streak.

The dealer was an unassuming little middle-aged woman who, much to my delight, was not having a good run of luck. I watched in giddy anticipation as she dealt herself three successive busted hands, resulting in automatic wins for the other 3 people sitting at the table. After seeing this I decided to sit down and partake in this goodness. With a smile on my face, I took the empty seat at the table (which had a $20 minimum bet) and handed the dealer my crisp $100 bill. She gave me a good break down of chips to bet with and so we began.

I put a $20 chip in the ante and the first hand was dealt. Again, the dealer dealt herself an enormous hand and busted with a 25. I couldn't help but grin. On the next hand, I put another $20 as my bet and I was rewarded with a blackjack! My $20 bet was now $45 and I was well ahead of where I started. Chatter around the table was relatively light, but everyone was obviously quite happy with the situation and then suddenly, without warning, a small man approached the table from the side and tapped the dealer on the shoulder. She turned and handed the deck of cards to the little man, an Indian by his appearance, and said to us "My rotation at this table is up. Good luck to you all!" and she turned and walked away.

The tiny Indian man assumed his post behind the table and griped the cards deftly in his hands and as I scanned down his frame my eyes were caught by the glint of his name tag. I read the name and was stunned for a moment. "That can't be right", I thought, and I looked again at the little man's name.

My friends, I kid you not. The man's name was:

S-U-R-I-N-D-E-R

?!?!??!??!?!

I was blown away. The nicest, most unlucky little blackjack dealer in all of Las Vegas had just left my table and was replaced by a man who's name mocks me to surrender?!?! This can't be happening.

Oh but it was happening.

And so began the rapid demise of everyone at the table, as our new dealer, Surinder, the Ghandi of Grifters, dealt himself hand after winning hand of blackjack. He was dealing himself 5-6 cards that added up to 20. He had a blackjack of his own. Everyone else was busting left and right. It was a massacre

In 10 minutes it was all over. The house had quickly reclaimed all of its losses and added my paltry $100 to its coffers. Perhaps I should've taken the faux advice in the man's name and picked up my chips when he arrived, hindsight is 20-20 after all. I left the table dejected and feeling utterly beaten. Fortunately I wasn't stupid enough to go try and get more money to play somewhere else. I decided to track down my brother and I found him at the craps table. I think maybe I'll let TD3k tell you about what happened at the craps table, but it was certainly interesting as well! :-)

The Bard once wrote "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

But I got $100 that says Will would be singing a different tune after 5 hands of blackjack with Surinder. LOL :-)

Don't Bring Me Down, Grüße!

First off, no updates or word from BlackOps that I've heard. Hope you're ok, man.

Next, wanted to give my brother's blog "Td3k Speaks" anoter plug. He recently posted a great story on his main page called "Popcorn Problematic" that is quite an adventuring tale and I'm sure you'll enjoy reading it. Please check it out and leave feedback.

Finally, wanted to post an ELO redux for those interested. A.I. visitor, Indigo Red, correctly deduced that the mystery word in the ELO song "Don't Bring Me Down" is the German word for "Greetings!" The question was asked though, why the hell does he say "Grüße?" So, with a little Googling I was able to track down the answer at, where else, VH1.com...

Click here to go to the Electric Light Orchestra home page at VH1.com and under the Video section, you'll see one link entitled "ELO Performs 'Don't Bring Me Down'." The clip is taken from a live performance where composer and frontman, Jeff Lynne, gives us the rest of the story on the mysterious origins of the word, and why that word is now "Bruce" just like we all sang it anyway! Great stuff! Hope you enjoy...

BlackOps goes under the radar?

So, I went out this morning to check on the latest happening of blog buddy BlackOps, over at his site, Sojourner Browny. Lo and behold a big 'ol honking blank page comes up! What's happened to BlackOps?

If you're out there man, log in and post an updating comment. Surely the Sojourner Browny has not reached the end of its journey?!

The Blazin' Chicken Wings of Death!

***Continued from Wednesday's post***

So, obviously I'm intrigued by what our waitress, Blondie, has just told us.

"Why would they think we work for INS?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. But not long back, some INS agents came into the Chili's in (nearby city) and the whole cooking staff ran out the back!"

I guess these guys had good reason to be nervous, and the mental image of 15 guys running out the back door of Chili's leaving the manager to whip up the next batch of Awesome Blossoms was very amusing and I couldn't help but laugh. It was about that time that I heard Ted sputter and cough.

Glancing his way, I heard him mutter a curse. "Damn, these wings are just drowning in sauce!" The boneless buffalo wings had something like three times the amount of sauce on them that they normally do. I guess the cook staff were hedging their bets that if we were INS agents, we'd get pissed off with the food and leave them alone. I dunno... We at the wings anyway :-)

In any case the ending of that story provides a nice segue into tonight's post!

---

A week after the visit to Chili's, Ted and I were out on a Saturday night with some mutual friends. There were 5 of us in all, and we had just gotten done seeing Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which was better than I thought it was going to be, and we were looking for a place to get something to eat. It was past 1am and the choices were few and far between.

But, as luck would have it, we spotted a restuarant along the side of the freeway that recently opened up. Don't know how prevalent they are throughout the country, but they're springing up here fast. "Buffalo Wild Wings" was the name of the place. Its a grill and bar specializing in buffalo wings and was open until 2am. Bonus!

We pile out and go in and order up all different flavors of wings and popcorn shrimp. It was all really good and we polished off the first round in no time. So, one of our friends, we'll call him Big D, decided to take it upon himself to order the next round of wings as his treat. Can't argue with that! So when the next batch of food arives we're all scoping out the different flavors and that's when we saw them. The Blazin' Wings.

Mounted on the wall was a poster of the different sauces you can get on your wings arranged from left to right from least hot to hottest. Of course I don't need to tell you which sauce was at the hottest end. We all stared in wide-eyed amazement at the Blazin' Wings as though they were the lost Ark of the Covenant. So we all dove in and kind of ate around them for a long time. Nobody wanted to be first! Finally, Big D's wife decided she would try one. She took a tiny bite and began to cough. "Wow! That hits you hard!"

The rest of us, all guys, grabbed a wing and decided to try them out. How bad could it be right?

I bit into the wing and thought "Hmm that's not too bad." And I quickly finished off the remainder of the wing in two solid bites.

Then suddenly time stopped. The sounds of the bar faded away into slow motion garbble and one by one I could feel the taste buds on my tongue burst into flame. I have never eaten anything that hot in my entire life, and I never will again. Every ounce of higher brain function that I had was suddenly shut down and in the space of 25 seconds I was reduced to a quivering pile of gelatinous goo. I felt as though I was channeling Jerry Lewis at this point. I could only speak in gibberish. Copious amounts of sweat had burst forth all over my head and begun to run down... even from my eyelids.

No wait... those were tears.

The general effect all around the table was the same... except for Ted, who had not yet tried his. He was too busy laughing at the rest of us. Tossing my spent chicken bone back onto the table, I cussed at him. "Hey man... you take a big ole bite and then laugh about it!"

Ted rose to the challenge. Taking a single bite from his wing he fell into the trap. "Oh this isn't so bad....BLLAAYAHGHGHGHAHHH!!!!!" He was done. He couldn't even finish the wing. :-) I felt really proud that I had been able to finish the wing...

... until the next day.

Suffice it to say that the Blazin' Chicken Wings of Death don't depart the body any more pleasantly than they entered it. Never again will those wings pass these lips. Talk about getting brought down!

*sigh*

This has turned into a bit of a ramble hasn't it? Think I'll wrap it up and sign off for now. Take it easy and, just for fun like BlackOps said, the next time you go to Chili's, scream "INS!!!" as you enter the door and see what happens. :-)

Don't bring me down, BRUCE!

So, let me introduce one of my best friends to you. He and I used to work together at my previous job and after he quit and I got laid off we just didn't have the good sense to stop hanging out with each other. We'll call him by his nickname, Ted. Actually his nickname is Aquaman, but that's a different story all together. Ted is a very good friend.

And this post is not really about him at all.

Ted and I hang out together on Friday nights (at the very least.) We're both single guys and desperately in need of a clue when it comes to thinking of fun things to do. On a good Friday night we only spend 2 hours having the following conversation:

Ted: "So man, what do you wanna do tonight?"
Me: "Hmm... I dunno. What do you want to do?"
Ted: "Eh, I don't know. What do you want to do?"
Me: "You don't know what to do?"
Ted: "No, but you don't know what you want to do either."
Me: "Yeah..."
<10 second pause>
Ted: "So what do you want to do tonight?"
Me: "I dunno, what do you want to do?"

and so on, and so on.

I know what you're thinking. We're just two wild and crazy guys!!

So to try and remedy our semi-social deficiency we've gotten in the habit of going on Friday and/or Saturday nights to the Chili's near my house and sitting at the bar. Its usually not overly crowded, the girl bartenders are just smoking hot (not to mention cute waitresses) and the whole crew is starting to get to know us and they'll stop and talk with us and its just been a lot of fun getting to know them all. So we'll go and have supper and have a few beers... chat it up with everyone and hang out. Its a good time.

Of course, there is a downside to this. Ted and I are, in some cases, significantly older than most of the people we're spending time with at Chili's. Its made for some interesting generation gap stories.

One night one of the waitresses came to the bar to pick up an order of drinks for the table she was serving. She's a cute little thing, maybe 20 years old, with blond, tightly curled hair and it jostled back and forth on her head as she walked to the bar. It was rocking to and fro not from the effort of her walking but from the peculiar bobbing and bopping gyrations she was doing with her head as she walked. She was humming a song to herself and, I suppose, doing some sort of little dance to the music in her head. The whole effect was a cute picture indeed. When she got to the bar, her drinks weren't ready yet, so she waited and, coming out of her fog, noticed that Ted and Andy were at the bar again!

Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "Hey guys! I hadn't seen you come in. How's it going?!"

We answered with the requisite "Not bad, how about you?" small talk BS that we usually do and then she plugged us for the real reason that she was glad to see us.

"Hey! I've got this realllllly oollld song stuck in my head and I don't know what it is, but you two should know it!"

Ted and I both laughed and looked at each other. I think that was probably the first time, for either of us, that someone had dared to accuse us of being knowledgeable about "really old" things. Of course, she didn't mean a thing by it. I'm sure she thinks that me and Ted are perfectly cognisant of and comfortable with our rapidly progressing age.

"Reaalllllly?" I asked inquizitively with half a smirk on my face. "Well sing part of it and we'll see if we know it or not."

"OK!"

So she prepares herself for the aria to come. Hands extended to quiet those nearby, and a reappearance of the aforementioned head bobbing as she gets the beat down. And then, with all the dynamic resonance of a tone deaf parrot, she squeals out the following:

"Stop bringin' meee doooowwnnnn....................... *booof*!"

Everyone sat in stunned silence for a moment and then we all roared with laughter.

"Booof? Did you just say 'Booof'?! What the hell does that mean??!"

She was laughing too. "I think that's what they say. I'm not sure. Like I said. Its this really old song. I mean, like, I think its from the 80s or something! Do you know it??!??!?!?!"

Ted and I traded a bewildered glance and both said. "I have no idea what song that is." and I added, "But, I will find out for you."

So, armed with one line and the broad generalization that it came from that ancient epoch of time known as "the 80s" I hit Google and the Apple Music store and my quest was not in vain. In a few minutes I had determined that the song in question is "Don't Bring Me Down" by Electric Light Orchestra, released in 1979. What a great song. LOL :-)

The line of the song that she sang is the title of this post. Obviously she had it a little mixed up. Bonus points to whoever can tell me why the title of the post isn't quite right either.

Ted and I decided we had to go back the next night and let Blondie know what the name of the song was that was plaguing her brain. She was ecstatic. She scrawled the name of the song and artist down in her order book. Her boyfriend came in and she told him all about it. He was thrilled too, but only because now she'd stop running around the house squealing "Booof!" It was quite the ice breaker.

A few minutes later, Blondie brought our order of boneless buffalo wings out to us laughing as she sat down the bowl.

"*giggle* That's funny. You guys don't work for INS do you??"

"Do WHAT?! Do we look like federal agents to you??"

"Well I don't know, but the cooks just asked me if you worked for Immigration. Isn't that weird? *giggle*"

That's when I realized that all the cooking staff in Chili's (all Hispanic) were not cooking at all, but rather looking at me and Ted... very... very... closely.

Conclusion later today. Yeah, I know. I only got two posts in, and didn't even finish the last one before it was Wednesday. So sue me! :-)

The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated!!

Ah....

Fear not, faithful denizens of the blogosphere, I'm still alive and kicking. I just haven't been kicking hard enough to shake loose all the little buggers that have been keeping me busy until now.

I'm in the process of refinancing my house and I've been on the information warpath trying to provide my financier (a friend of mine) with all the necessary pieces of valid information in order to prove that I am who I say I am, I make as much as I claim to make, that I work for who I said I work for, and that I'm not so mind-bogglingly irresponsible that if I get a new loan extended to me I won't default on the damn thing.

That sort of thing makes lenders grumpy...

That being said, I'm here now, with free time and muse in full bloom, so this is going to be at least a Triple-Post Tuesday. Enjoy and remember to chew each bite 27 times before swallowing.

Wouldn't want you to get bloated.

OH! and before I forget. I want to encourage you all again to go out and check out my brother's blog TD3k Speaks. He just finished a very entertaining tale on his "Narrative Reflows" section. Just follow the tabs along the top of the page and leave him some feedback.